When it’s time to let go and move on with your life.
When you go through an emotionally traumatic situation it takes some time to get to the point where you are ready to move on with your life. But once you are ready, you really want to do it! And that’s when you discover that moving on is not as easy as it sounds.
Certain things will never be the same.
Moving on and Embracing your new normal.
In the aftermath of emotional trauma, there are some relationships you must let go of, to move on with your life. Letting go of relationships is a gut-wrenching process. There are many stages to walk through before you reach this point.
Before coming to the conclusion that a person can no longer be in your life, you must process forgiving them, forgiving yourself, if reconciliation or restoration is possible, if trusting again is feasible, anger, and usually deep grief. Yikes. That is a long list to work through for someone that has you reeling in pain!
Forgiveness; for them and you before you can move on with your life.
Forgiveness must be dealt with prior to making a decision about the future. Aftershock and grief set in then comes the inevitable struggle with forgiving the one(s) that hurt you and forgive yourself.
To work through the HUGE job of forgiveness please see the following resources:
- What They Don’t Tell You About Forgiveness
- Steps of Repentance in the Bible
- 7 Reasons to Trust God When Your Children are Hurting
- Humility and The Skill of Admitting You are Wrong
- Does Forgiveness Mean Reconciliation?
- Overcoming Bitterness — Post-Bitter Living
- Truths on Godly Sorrow Commentary on 2 Corinthians 7
- Facing Former Friends; Friendship Forgiveness
Anger, Grief, and Trust; all part of the Process
The sorrow and loss one must deal with after a severe rejection or betrayal wrecks emotional havoc even in the strongest of people. You go through anger, grief, and fear of trusting again.
Anger usually appears soon after the offending words or event. The shock of these situations can set off defensiveness and a knee jerk reaction of outrage.
The reason that betrayal is the most devastating kind loss is because most often it is a loss that didn’t have to occur. It only occurs because of someone’s deliberately hurtful behavior, or their carelessness, or their own personal weakness. Unlike a loss such as death or illness, there is usually some sort of choice involved.
Monica Frank, PhD, When You Have Been Betrayed
Just as many of us experience anger when we accidentally injure ourselves, the same spark can be kindled by sudden rejection or betrayal. The anger dissipates in time, you must be patient with yourself. You just want to move on with your life, but the feelings of vexation seem to have a mind of their own!
Grieving the Relationship and Trust Before Moving on With Your Life
Rejection and betrayal by their very nature imply that trust was once a part of the relationship. When that trust is ripped away, the loss and pain can be devastating. There are so many emotions and thoughts swirling around vying for your attention. The sheer overwhelmingness of having the rug pulled out from under you can lead to a shaky and fragile state of mind.
The relationship at the very least has changed radically. It may be shattered beyond repair. It may have changed dimensions. And that loss of what once was is very, very real. True loss requires a time of mourning. While what (or whom) you have lost may no longer seem worth even one more tear — you must allow yourself time to grieve who you believed they were and what you thought the connection was.
Allowing grief it’s due is about your mental and emotional health — and not about the one(s) who have wounded you. Grieve precious friend. It’s the only way to get to the good part — moving on with your life!
How Do You Move On with Your Life When You Don’t Think You Can Ever Trust Again?
“Trusting a person means feeling safe with them. We trust that they respect us, care about us, and wouldn’t hurt us, especially intentionally. We feel betrayed as our eyes are suddenly opened to a new reality: what we thought was safe and reliable turns out not to be.”
John Amodeo, PsychCentral.com
Trust shattered happens in seconds and can take years to rebuild — or more likely is never made whole again. Even after dealing with rejection or betrayal, working through forgiveness, anger, grief and all the pain; even when you have reached a place of peace with your offender, even than trust issues continue. Trust issues may be the one effect of these sorts of emotional traumas that hangs around the longest.
Reconciliation, Restoration or Just Friendly?
Indeed, if you allow God to help and guide you through processing your pain, you will most likely know when it is time to let go of the relationship. This does not mean you have not forgiven. It does mean you are using wisdom and Biblical boundaries.
Acceptance and forgiveness seldom bring the relationship back to where it was prior to trust being broken. Indeed, it is a real victory to get to a semi-friendly place of acceptance and peace with those who yanked your life out from under you.
How to Regain the Ability to Trust, While Moving on With Your Life
But the lingering trust issues towards your offender are completely appropriate as are healthy boundaries for the broken connection. However, trust issues, in general, are not so great for moving on with your life, right? Furthermore, you may feel justified and protective and uninterested in getting past your trust issues. Indeed, lack of trust may be just the security wall you need right now. Consequently, though, it will not help you to move on with your life. In reality, trust issues will hinder your forward progress.
The lessons you learn and mature with through you time of pain and loss can lead you to healthier ways of connecting with others. In addition, you are likely to come out of this more courageous and confident.
Without a doubt, these things take time and the keys to regaining the ability to trust and move on with your life are these:
God. Time. Healing. Practicing forgiveness. Rooting out the bitterness. Indulging in extreme self-care. Working on your confidence. Prayer. Time.
Some books that may help you:
Please note that this article contains affiliate links. You can read my full disclosure at the bottom of the page.
- Uninvited by Lisa Terkuerst
- The Intimate God by Tricia Martin
- Getting to Yes with Yourself by William Ury
- Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang
- Books on Self-Discipline by Martin Meadows
- Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend
- Embodying Forgiveness by L. Gregory Jones
